Today as I was running my three miles along the strand I kept on asking myself about my motivation for running the L.A. marathon. I found that my motivations were varied, complex, trivial, deep and meaningless at the same time. I can remember standing in line at a water-park (I think it was the one time we went to one in Palm Springs) and Garrett quoted Nietzsche: He said "he stared into the abyss and the abyss stared back." (Perhaps this should have tipped us off to his later day atheism) As I ran I was thinking about how I do not really enjoy running but yet I persist in doing it. I know that I will never be at peace until I complete a marathon, due to my unexplained failure last year. Now, I know in my heart that running 26 miles is about as meaningful as being elected mayor McCheese. Running does not change who you are as a person or change your character in any way. It just proves that you have a high tolerance for pain and boredom. (Kind of like paying to hear Sarah Palin speak) So why in the heck am I doing it when I could be surfing or sleeping in or just taking it easy? Here are my reasons in all of their complex forms. They are in no particular order, it is just what accrued to me as I ran.
-Redemption for failing ( I know that I will cry like a little girl when I finish)
-Clean living (It really tames down my wild nights when you have to get up and run 15 miles)
-Something to do (It is fun to have a goal and train for it)
-Impress people ( This would be Nicole and my Dad)
-Stress relief (I sleep really well after my runs)
-I always knew I would do it one day (Just like buying a motor-home)
--Running along the beach is beautiful (So many girls.....and the ocean is nice as well)
-Test myself (Part of me likes to see if I can handle the pain)
I know that I would almost rather do any other outdoor activity than run but running is what I must do.
On a side note I got a brand new 6.4 surfboard and will be dawn patrolling tomorrow. At least I know why I surf!
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Speaking of Nietzche...Your post has a decidedly Kierkeggard like flavor to it "We are responsible for assigning meaning to our lives, not a magical unicorn or other imagined deity"....You have assigned an event that you said in itself has no meaning, and you have assigned it great meaning to yourself personally!
ReplyDeleteI think you may be a "mystical Existentialist"
Conquer the beast! I think it's great that while you do not enjoy running you are determined to achieve your goal. And achieve it you will do. It sounds like an awesome course for the L.A. next year. What better place to start than Dodger stadium. Well, maybe Angel stadium, ha, ha. We will be on the sidelines cheering you on. Love ya, Susan
ReplyDeleteYou are going to do great on the marathon. Doesn't running feel great when you finish? And, speaking of crying like a baby at the finish, we ALL will be crying like babies when you finish.
ReplyDeleteSo glad you posted on R&R again.
Hugs,
Denise
Always good to think about why we do the things we do. I think you've come up with some great reasons. Hmmm...may have to think about my reasons now.
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